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Combating Engagement Jealousy

With most of life on hold,

we're spending a looottttt of time on social media. And I don't know about you, but it feels like half of my friends got engaged over the past couple months! Which is so exciting!

Before I had a ring on my finger, I found that I always got that inevitable stab of jealousy. It's a feeling you can't not have, even if it’s fleeting.

Like, what are you supposed to feel when your love hasn’t proposed and all of your friends are getting engaged? What are you supposed to do other than grin and bear it when someone else gets the question popped and you’re still “just talking about it”?

First of all, give yourself a break: it’s okay to feel these things, but you do need to put them in check so they don’t do damage you didn’t intend, whether it’s saying something you don’t mean to your soon-to-be fiance/e or being rude to a recently engaged friend.

And don't forget, the person popping the question is already nervous enough. If you're not gonna bother scrolling down to read the rest of my words, then at least take this to heart:

Be patient, if not for yourself, then for you intended.

Below, I’ve compiled some things that I found helped me fight these concerns when it felt like everything was happening to everyone else and not me.

  1. Remove yourself from the situation

  2. Take stock in your own path

  3. Distract yourself

  4. Talk to your friends

  5. Smile

#1 Remove yourself from the situation

This is my #1 tip for multiple reasons. Let’s say you’re scrolling Insta and you see one of your friends showing off their *gorgeous* ring announcing to the whole world that they are engaged. Of course, you feel happiness for them, but the sting sets in almost instantaneously. When will you be able to share a smiling picture of yourself in the inevitable ring selfie position?

Before you start spiraling, get off your phone. I’m serious. Throw it across the room if you have to, but get it out of your hands. Don’t dig and dig to find out every detail, study every picture that they posted because this will only lead to jealousy and even concern for your own proposal, whether it be how it happens and when it happens and how you're ring is going to look and how often you should get your nails done.... See?! It's a spiral.

#2 Take stock in your own path and what you

REALLY want

Everyone is different, everyone’s preferences are different, every couple’s idea of a “perfect” proposal/ring is different. Comparing yourself to other people will only do more damage to yourself, your relationship, and your relationship with your friends if you can’t put aside your fears and jealousies to appropriately congratulate them.

When Vlad proposed to me, I had no idea it would happen that way or in that moment. But I had been protecting my mind for a while from proposal/ring jealousy: if I had let myself spiral, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed the moment as much because I would have been looking for the proposal the whole time. After all, the fun is in being surprised!

Also, if you’re worried about a picture-perfect proposal, I wouldn’t be concerned. I mean, in mine, I had no makeup on, hadn’t slept for five days, was freezing my ass off and was wearing mismatched clothes. I’m not the kind of person who has their nails done all the time either... but it would have been nice.

But I was t h r i l l e d. Full on crying and laughing and shaking. I couldn’t have cared LESS about what I looked like! I mean, look at the RING on my FINGER and look at my FIANCE!

The only reason why I would have reallllly wanted to have a PPP (picture-perfect proposal) is for killer photos to share online. But… why? If it means so much to ME, that’s fine.

But at the end of the day most people share how-is-this-real photos of their top moments on social media to influence something: whether it’s their social status, their financial status, their sales, or their own ego.

So ask yourself: what means more to you? The surprise of the moment or what it would look like in other people’s eyes?

Also: it’s a ton of work to get a PPP, and it’s usually SUPER costly. That pro photographer alone is probably gonna cost $200, and that’s before decorations, fireworks, whatever the hell it is you need to get that one moment which you could honestly just fake later if you really wanted to.

So just remember that when you’re talking about proposals to your SO, that cost/time effort is going to fall on them. And it’s already enough pressure to PUBLICLY ASK SOMEONE TO MARRY YOU. Vlad told me a few days after he proposed that he was shaking. I had no idea, because I was too busy processing that I was being proposed to!

#3 Distract yourself

Seriously. Go watch a movie, or hang out with some friends, but don’t do something wedding-related. Don’t get on Pintrest to look up cute engagement photos or rings, get outside and go hiking! Go for a run, read a book, catch up on a TV show… anything to get out of the headspace so you don’t get sucked into envious or fearful thinking.

#4 Talk to your friends

Tell someone how you feel. Take some time to bitch and complain, seriously. Get it out of your system. In my experience, it’s sometimes better to just purge the feelings out loud to friends who won’t judge. Odds are, if they’re in similar boats, it’ll be a cathartic experience for all of you.

#5 Smile

If you’re even thinking a proposal is on the horizon, that’s an incredible reason to smile! And if you don’t have a proposal in the near future, one day you will and every day leading up to it will be an adventure, so why worry? Life is too short to spend worrying about PPPs or ring/proposal jealousy. And trust me: you’re going to be too shocked and surprised and overcome with emotion to worry about the photos, so just be in the moment and enjoy every second of it, because it’s a single moment in time that no photo can ever accurately capture.

<3

Alexis

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